Should I Stay or Should I Go Now (Ten Year High School Reunion)

This post won't have too terribly much to do with weight loss, but my weight/body image may come up a few times in this rambling...

Well the talk on Facebook with a few classmates has been realized into an actual ten year high school reunion. I can't believe it has been ten years! I'm very torn on whether or not to go for several reasons. Maybe a list of reasons will be easier to take in than paragraphs, so here I go:

• My husband is all for me not going, because he doesn't want to go. He never goes to anything for his class, graduations, etc. I told him I would go with him though if he wanted to go though.
• It is going to cost $70 to go plus the cost of gas to drive about an hour and half (maybe longer).
• I'm now one of those people who let themselves go and became fat. I really don't want to be stared at all night as the "fat" one.

The high school senior version of myself.

The now version of me.

• I never really liked my high school. To make a long story short, at the time in my tiny hometown there was no high school. You could go anywhere you wanted to provided you had a ride, but they only bused kids to the two closest schools. One school was almost a complete new start and "bigger" (my class graduated in the 80's I think) with more to offer to me. The other one was very small (graduating classes of 20ish), but the kids from this school had to come to our junior high school. Most people went there because they could keep with their friends. I chose the bigger one to get away from the misery many of the people caused me throughout my K-8 years and maybe get into a bigger music program.
• I have always marched to the beat of my own drum and at least pretended not to have any issues with how people treated me because of that. I got a lot of flack, had the "in" girls make fun of me, and was just plain known as the "smart weird music" girl. I pretended to have confidence, but I really spent a lot of years in pain from all of this (and it still tugs at my heart a bit now). I now look back at how I was and realized how great I was (and still am). I had it all, but let what other did/say to me bring me down. I was attractive, athletic, thin to healthy weight, creative (music, art, and writing), intelligent, a hard worker, and I knew what I wanted out of life.

Most of the people I went to school with would probably not have been caught dead with a hat like this one. They probably wouldn't have 70's style smiley faces on their birthday cakes either.

• There will be a bunch of people there probably talking about the "glory days" of high school. I don't think of high school as my glory days. I didn't feel good about things until college. I still feel the best is yet to come. My days are not over nor do I feel like reminiscing about the past like it was great when it wasn't. Don't get me wrong I did have good times too such as with my group of non Abercrombie and Fitch, non preppy, mostly non jock group of friends, going to prom all four years, and of course, band class and performances.

My freshman year of high school but at prom nonetheless.

My senior year of high school performing at pep band. No you usually don't dress up for that, but it was some kind of senior winter thing like homecoming for basketball basically. I was the only senior in band, so I got to be nominated.

• Many of my friends were in the classes one or two years a head of me and obviously won't be there. That isn't to say that I didn't have friends in my own grade too. Some of them I really do wonder what they are up to and do care to see how they are doing. Maybe even one of them are reading this too.
• I had a really close friend that I was attached to very much and we even kept in touch and went out did things while we were in college (even though we weren't in the same area). We had a falling out and haven't talked all that much since. It is kinda awkward for me since I'm not used to dealing with the kind of stuff. I have spent most of my life bending over backwards to please everyone. (I've definitely taken steps to do what I need to do for myself, but that is always a work in progress.)
• At first I wanted to go to show everyone how good my life really is right now. I've been happily married for five years to a man I would love to show off, I have a great house that I've fixed up a lot and on my own, I graduated from St. Joe summa cum laude with two minors, I'm getting ready to hopefully be going back to get a master's degree soon, I have three cute and crazy doggies, and I have a wonderful job. Then I started thinking more about how I don't have a brand new house with a white picket fence, I don't have 2.5 kids (or any yet for that matter), I have too many dogs, not a new enough car, I'm not skinny anymore, and I'm still nerdy and musical.

Graduating from college which was way more enjoyable than high school ever was.

It has really helped me to feel and process my emotions about this by writing this post. This is the edited version with specific incidences and/or people's names left out. I will admit that I did overeat and eat some things I shouldn't have while contemplating whether or not to go. Once I wrote this though, I found myself feeling so much better and not needing the food anymore. My decision isn't made yet and I guess I can wait until I'm faced with the physical invitation in the mail.